She rants and she Raves, Kicks, Cries and scream as she is locked in a room inside my mind.
She stomps on the floor bangs on the door and throws around all the furniture.
She is sad lonely hurt and enraged. a giant ball of angry energy how can she be contained?
She wants to make love and she wants to fight. she wants to fight and make love simultaneously a perfect combination of pleasure and pain and she will take as much as she will give.
She is jumping up and down, running aimlessly smashing into walls, involuntarily wetting herself, crying 'til she vomits, screaming til she's hoarse, nails scratching at her skin til she bleeds, pulling out handfuls of hair desperate to find a pain that will mask the other Pain, the pain that she thinks is killing her.
I sit outside the door.
I hug myself in an unreal effort to comfort her.
when her rage is spent and and she is to tired to fight anymore for now,
I open the door, find her sleeping restlessly in the middle of the floor. I clean up the room, put back the furniture, clear away the puke, the piss,the blood the hair. I clean her as best I can without waking her. I want to hold her and comfort her but I cant.
I leave food I leave water I try to leave love.
She is crying silently in her sleep, tears leaking from her closed eyes.
I reach out to stoke her face because I Know and a pull my hand away before I touch her because I KNOW.
I quietly leave the room, lock the door, sit on the floor outside the door cry myself to sleep and wait for it all to begin again...
